My name is Mattie. I spend most of my time looking for rocks and marching in step.
WorldOfCascadingSound White Cloud Dear Why Hello There Whoah, That One Made Me Laugh MAH Face.
Ask and You Shall Recieve
I'm a two year Drum Major.
I really like it when people call me Mattie Maye. I like to march, too, a lot.
Oh, yes, and I am going to Harvard.
I fell in love way too quickly.
It’s such a waste of life to go living thinking you’re worth nothing
I just got the most liberating feeling.
I feel so completely and fully in control of my life.
I have no idea why.
Just sitting here, writing a paper and listening to music.
Just a surge of everything being great.
Like the whole world is at my fingertips.
Last night I was talking to one of my roommates.
I got so frustrated by a girl in the cafeteria judging other people for having tattoos.
People always say that the body is sacred.
I find trouble in that because if you were to take my consciousness and inner being from my body, you don’t have me, all you have is a body.
My body is a vessel. It is the ultimate means to express who I am; whom the intangible thoughts and feelings and insights make up.
If I want to get a tattoo, or if I want to enjoy the food I eat, then my body will express it, and that shows what I value inside.
What I, myself, true me inside of this body values.
If you want to have sex or pierce your skin, then that expresses your inner self that no one can see.
If your body is unscathed, then what does that show about you?
Nothing about what you truly are like other than that you’re afraid – afraid to break your skin and use that brilliant mind to explore the world and show it with your body.
I will do whatever I want to my body because it demonstrates the ultimate representation of who I am without me uttering a word.
The body is important only in that it carries an inner self.
That’s really important to me.
I value my body insofar as it expresses my words, thoughts, feelings and desires.
Sometimes I just realize that you can’t take life so seriously – because if you do, sooner, rather than later, you will be lonely, sad, and completely lost.
The thing that makes humans so unique is not our flesh and body, but what we hide within it.
The best advice I can give to someone is to use his or her body as a vessel to display and possess everything you want from the world.
Take hold and make a mark because it’s worth the scar.
What am I doing with my life?
I roar this to the walls.
The empty walls the encase me.
I am lost.
I never can find the right way out because when coming in, all the doors disappear.
They drift from my reality, and they may still be visible, but they’re locked.
And that’s all the more frustrating.
I want spontaneity.
For any of you who have answered a knock on the door only to be met by a person rushing to meet their lips to yours,
how does it feel?
How does it feel to be absolutely and completely surprised?
How quickly does that puzzled expression evaporate from your lips, your eyes.
How sweet do those lips taste?
I can’t tell you.
No, not because I have never been torn from the days of monotony, but,
because, because I have yet to feel a place in the world.
A place like you feel that kiss.
Feeling grounded is a fear that far too many people possess,
a safety that many take for granted.
A ground is a mecca I have yet to live.
A ground like those little girls you see running around the dining halls.
Navigating a world of light and beauty and freedom.
I seek it.
I seek out those moments of pure… dust, when everything around you circles.
And circles and lands on… nothing.
You start again.
Heart beating, pounding, tearing from your chest… you wait.
And look up to a sky.
So brilliantly blue, so goddamn brilliantly blue that you forget how you even exist.
How you rise every morning and breathe.
Because that goddamn brilliant sky is your ground.
The beginning of a ground that you never thought you would find.
A ground in the sky.
I have a very brash and curt view on life. My compilations of sorrow and pain and success and defeat have all mounded into a very rigid shell.
I present myself as humorous and blunt.
I wish I could present myself as kind and sweet and unique, but very few people ever see the blood I have shed and the pain I have endured as art.
I see it as art. As a means of expression that few others have been given the privelage to experience.
I wish I could show that more readily.
Maybe it would make me more lovable and less like just another “bro.”
I will corrupt you.
Think that you’re pretty, smart, funny?
You’re more than that after I’m done with you.
I will morph you into something that you never thought possible. You will be that person who shouts, “Can I help you?” When someone is being rude to someone you love.
You’re going to evolve into the person who can remain calm and spread the sense of peace even though you want to have a mental break down.
You will attract people at your pure ease of speaking your mind.
People will say, “You’re so funny, oh my, you just say what you’re thinking.”
And you’ll smile, because you know it’s true, and that it’s because of me.
You will do things that you never thought possible.
Win a race. Pass a test. Talk to someone. Be happy.
If you invest in me, you won’t be sorry because I latch on. Mold people. Sometimes I’m a little too stifling, but in the end, you’ll remember me. And that is all I have ever wanted.
I will teach you to smile when you want to punch someone. Find a friend in someone you hate because, as it turns out, you might actually like them.
And guess what? I’m just a product of other people. All smashed into one. I would be nothing without them.
I am the product of people. Product of mostly good. Some bad.
And I will poison you. Poison you with love. With fear. With acceptance of yourself and of everyone around you.
I will love you. You may even love me.
I will drown you in grammar.
If you ever hand me a clean paper you have just written, be prepared for the apocalypse of markings. I consume language. Take it in and digest it, only to think it out on paper and make magic.
You will be afraid of me.
But don’t be.
I am one of the most accepting people you will ever meet. If I don’t agree with you, I will say so, but I will also offer an explanation. I will be frank and honest.
I will pressure you to see both sides. Playing the devils advocate, I will force you to not be single-minded. There are not just two sides to a story, there are millions.
You will do things that you never thought you would do. Think in ways you never thought you could. I will never do that, it’s bad, I will feel guilty.Then you will realize how good it makes you feel and you will be different.
I will rip apart your mind and reshape it. Make it not pretty or smart or funny, but beautiful or brilliant or hilarious. You will be the beauties of language wrapped into a person that screams hope.
You will be poisoned because I am a poison…
and you won’t forget me.